literature

Manfred- Me

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Literature Text

(Based on a scene from Disney's Beauty and the Beast...)

(Manfred plans on trying to propose to Bess.)

MANFRED: (to an accomplice of his) Now, when Bess and I come out that door...

ACCOMPLICE: Oh, I know! I know! I strike up the band!

(When he starts up the band, they start playing Jimmy Scott's cover of "At Last," but Manfred, in annoyance, slams a cymbal on his head.)

MANFRED: Not yet!

ACCOMPLICE: Sorry.

(In Bess's house, Bess has won another trophy for entering a beauty contest in which Sasha La Fleur hadn't been present. As she is about to put it on her low bookcase, a knock is heard on the door.)

BESS: I'm coming! It must be Itchy. He must be early for my date. (She opens the door. It is Manfred, much to her dismay, but she doesn't show it.) Hello, Manfred. What a pleasant surprise.

MANFRED: Isn't it, though? You know, there's not a she-dog in town who wouldn't love to be in your sh-- I mean, paws. Today... (He licks a booger out of his right nostril, much to Bess's disgust.) Today, your dreams will come true.

BESS: You don't know anything about my dreams, Manfred, or what would you know?

MANFRED: Plenty.

(The song "Me" from the Broadway stage version of Beauty and the Beast plays as Bess walks off in disbelief.)

MANFRED: (sung) You’ve been dreaming just one dream

Nearly all your life.

Hoping, scheming, just one theme.

Will you be a wife?

Will you be some he-dog's property?

Good news:

That he-dog's me!

(Bess tries walking away, but Manfred runs after her, turns around, and blocks the way)

MANFRED: (sung) This equation, girl plus man,

Doesn’t help just you.

On occasion, women can

Have their uses, too,

Mainly to extend the family tree.

Pumpkin,

Extend with me!

We’ll be raising sons galore...

BESS: (sung) Inconceivable.

MANFRED: (sung) Each built 6’4...

BESS: (sung)  Unbelievable.

MANFRED: (sung)  Each one stuffed with every Manfred gene.

BESS: (sung) I’m not hearing this.

MANFRED: (sung) You’ll be keeping house with pride…

BESS: (sung) Just incredible.

MANFRED: (sung) Each day gratified…

BESS: (sung) So unweddable.

MANFRED: (sung) That you are part of this idyllic scene!

MANFRED: (spoken) Picture this. (He lies on Bess's chair, resting his back paws on the footstool) A rustic hunting lodge, my latest kill, roasting over the fire, my little wife, massaging my feet, while the little ones play on the floor with the children, and we'll have six or seven of them.

BESS: (spoken, faking a smile and thinking he was referring to the human children) Children?

MANFRED: (spoken) Yes and no, Bess. I specifically mean strapping pups, like me.

BESS: (scoffs) Yeah, right.

MANFRED: (sung, as he gets up, following Bess around) I can see that we will share

All that love implies.

We shall be the perfect pair

Rather like my thighs!

You are face-to-face with destiny.

All roads lead to…

The best things in life are...

All’s well that ends with me.

(Bess goes to the front door)

MANFRED: (sung, as he corners her) Escape me? There’s no way.

Certain as do-re,

Bess, when you marry...

MANFRED: (spoken as the music stops) So, Bess, what’ll it be? Is it "yes," or is it… (dramatically) "Oh, yes!"

BESS: (reaching for the doorknob) I hate to offend you, Manfred, but... (jiggling the doorknob) ... you don’t serve me right.

MANFRED: Then whom?

(Bess dodges to her right on the other side of the knob while opening the door, making Manfred trip out the door.)

MANFRED: (sung, as another musical measure is starting and as he is tripping out the door) ME!!!!!!!

(Back outside, when Manfred was ejected and the song is just ending, and Bess slams the door, his accomplice starts up the band, again, having forgotten the right piece, starts up Jimmy Scott's cover of "At Last" again, but Manfred is embarrased. Bess, having forgotten to say the following words the first time, opens the door to say to him...)

BESS: (shouts angrily) And stay out!

(She slams the door again. Suddenly, Manfred's accomplice stops the music and turns back to him.)

ACCOMPLICE: No good, huh, Manny?

(Manfred doesn't answer. He just pounces on him.)

MANFRED: (growling) I'll have Bess for my mate, even if it takes getting rid of that Weiner dog, and there will be no mistake about that! (jumps off and away. Unknown to him, a blue-gray caracal lady named Aphrodite Cary was watching in pity.)

APHRODITE: Poor dog... getting rejected by a girl. Why, even Ricky rejects me. I'll go over and comfort him... (grinning evilly) Let alone put an end to Ricky's relationship with Katie so I can dominate his life.

(She walks over to comfort Manfred.)
This was based on a scene from both the film and stage version of Disney's Beauty and the Beast and the fan-made "Strike Up the Band" memes in which LeFou struck up the band, having them play pre-recorded songs. The end is like the crossover version (specifically the Benny, Leo, and Johnny's Adventures version of Beauty and the Beast) because someone else with opposite-gender issues feels empathy and plans to cheer someone else up.

Manfred, a love rival to Itchy Itchiford over Winifred Bessimay "Bess" de Winkerville, tries to propose to Bess, as Gaston did to Belle, likewise in vain.

Original scene and the song © Walt Disney Co.
Manfred, mention of Sasha La Fleur, Bess, and mention of Itchy © MGM (and Don Bluth for Itchy's case)
"At Last" © anonymous writers
Aphrodite Cary, mention of Katie Wolf, and mention of Ricky Marx the Lion © me
Original ending idea © :iconbennythebeast:, I think...
© 2014 - 2024 KBAFourthtime
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